Never Stood a Chance
by onceuponanovember
Summary: What would have happened if Edward hadn't been able to control the monster on Bella's day of school? My first Fan Fiction. May be slightly OOC. ExB. Lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**What would have happened if Edward would not have been able to control himself that first day?**

**Author's Notes: This is still pretty rough, but I really wanted to get it out there and find out if anyone even thinks it's worth cleaning up and finishing. This is my first fan fiction so your reviews are very much appreciated.  
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**And of course I do not own Twilight. I don't own much of anything really. But Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

EPOV

I glanced up as thoughts of the girl intruded on me once again. Angela Weber was walking her into the Biology classroom. Her gaze met mine for a fraction of a second as I cleared my things from the side of the lab table that would inevitably be hers. I felt bad for her in a way - I tended to make most humans uncomfortable and I figured she would be no exception. At the same time, I was excited by the prospect of probing the secrets that her silent mind guarded so carefully, not for the sake of the secrets themselves, they were probably just as ordinary as the secrets of any other 17 year old human girl - but rather the excitement was for the _challenge_ of learning her secrets.

As I thought this, the girl walked directly into the path of a warm current of air and her scent hit me. The violent desires that entered my head at that moment stripped away any shred of humanity that I so desperately clung to and surrounded myself with. I wanted her. I wanted her now. Not her body. Her blood. Her luscious, warm, sweetly fragrant blood had uncovered the monster that I had believed long since conquered. Nothing in the world mattered to me more than knowing the taste and satisfaction that would come along with that sweet, sweet scent. Her scent was mouth-watering and my mouth filled with venom.

I fought for control. Vaguely in the back of my head I wondered why Alice hadn't arrived yet to intervene…. I knew the monster was going to win this battle; I just needed to stall him. Trying desperately to ignore her blush that was fanning the flames in my throat, I reasoned with the monster, surely if we had resisted this long, we could resist for another hour or so. I held tight to the lab table as if it would actually stop me should the monster undermine my self-control. One hour. No need murder all these innocents. When I forced my breathing to stop, I managed to lull the monster into agreement; without the calculated massacre to worry about, he would be free to take his time and draw out his feast. Against my will, he began to plot….

****RRRIINNNNGGGG****

The sound of the bell snapped me out of my reverie. I chanced a glance at the girl while the monster practically jumped with jubilant anticipation. She was packing up her belongings and getting ready to move on to her next class.

_I'll offer to walk her to her next class! _The monster snarled in my head. Mike Newton's thoughts pushed me into action.

"Hello. I'm Edward Cullen." My voice sounded foreign to me. The girl looked up at me hesitantly with chocolate brown eyes and again I found myself wondering what secrets they held in their depths. In that instant I almost wavered but Mike Newton was approaching the lab table through the mass of students pushing their way out of the room. "May I walk you to your next class?" The girl opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it again. Blushing violently (the monster really liked that) she finally just nodded. I reached over and took her books from her, much to the chagrin of the annoying Newton brat, and led the way slowly out of the classroom.

Once in the crowded hallway, I turned to look at her again. "What's your next class?" She looked down at a much folded piece of paper and then winced slightly. I felt again as I had that morning – I had never been without my 6th sense before and it was making me feel very off balance. For a moment I felt as though my curiosity might be enough to tame the monster. Though her thoughts were probably not particularly interesting, I wanted to know them. It was as Rosalie had pointed out so many times to all of us, you always want most what you cannot have.

She looked back up at me and said, "Gym." I nodded and started in that direction, but stopped suddenly, intending to put my plan into action. I hadn't realized that the girl had been following so closely behind me because she ran right into me and stumbled back a few steps. I reached out quickly to steady her - she couldn't fall and injure herself in front of me. It was hard enough to maintain my self control for these few short minutes. The shock of heat that ran through my hands and right up my arms was electric. The monster strained against the walls I had built around him. He was going to break free soon. As soon as I was able I quickly released my hold on her. She looked up at me again, her heart stuttering, and blushed once more. "Thanks." Again I nodded, concerned that I was so fascinated by the lovely pink color that her cheeks had turned when she looked at me.

I had almost decided to really walk her to her gym class when the breeze caught. Her scent was like being hit by a semi-truck. Incredibly forceful, but just as if I truly had been hit by a semi, the damage that would be done wouldn't be to me. She smelled too good. The monster wouldn't be tamed. "I forgot a book in my car…let me grab it and then I'll walk you to gym." I smiled at her. This time she nodded.

We walked at a human pace, though it was a quick for a human; I was in a hurry. I did my best to make small talk with her, asking her name, why she had moved to Forks – all questions that I already knew the answers to. I had heard them in the minds of the other students all day long. Mostly though, we walked in silence. Surprisingly, it did not feel uncomfortable. My car was parked at the far end of the parking lot, close to the edge of the forest. When we reached my Volvo, I turned to look at her. Her heart stuttered again as I took her hand wordlessly. Was it because I was cold? How I wished I could know what she was thinking. Not that it matters, the monster argued, she won't be thinking much longer. I walked backwards toward the trees, trailing her along with me. Her eyes showed no fear, only…curiosity, perhaps…and…was that desire? I stared deeply into her eyes – it was amazing – they were endlessly deep. I could almost swear I could look right into her soul.

"Where are we going?" She glanced back towards the parking lot. In the same instance that our eye contact was broken, so was my trance and the walls that contained the monster. He was free. Dropping our books, I suddenly twirled her around and pushed her up against a tree trunk, my lips on hers forcefully. She was frozen in shock at my sudden forwardness, just as the monster had intended. And then her hands were in my hair and she was throwing herself back into the kiss with all her might. This was unexpected, but I didn't need to think to know that I liked it. I groaned and broke the kiss, moving my lips to her jaw line, my hands moving up to trace her collarbone lightly. Her skin was delectable, and briefly I wished to draw this out further, but the monster would have none of that. I moved my lips to her neck and parted them slightly.

_EDWARD NO!!!!!!!!!_

The chorus of voices in my head was deafening, but it was too late. The monster was going to win. I bared my teeth and she gasped and stiffened beneath my hands as her blood flowed hot and wet into my mouth. The monster sighed with the deepest satisfaction as he swallowed and allowed his mouth to fill again. And then she was gone. I pushed desperately against the 4 other vampires pulling me away from her with the greatest force I could manage. I snarled and snapped, trying desperately to fight my way back to her. Mine! The monster had won - I was the monster and I was determined to drain her of every drop of her ambrosial life force. I was the monster and she had never stood a chance against me. But I was no match for all of them. Even though I could hear their thoughts, I couldn't block them all at once. Slowly they progressed in getting me further and further away from the sweetest meal I had ever known and my reason returned to me. I froze. I stared at all of them with a horrified look as the realization of what I had done sank in. Each of my siblings was sunk low in a crouch, staring back with wary faces. I turned and ran, not knowing where I was going and not caring whether or not they followed.

BPOV

My heart was racing. It was pounding so hard against my chest that I was sure he must be able to hear it. How far out had he parked? It didn't matter, of course. I was fairly certain in that first moment I saw him that I would have followed him anywhere if he'd asked me to. I wanted desperately to know this strange boy with the bronze hair and the black eyes. And then he stopped. Whoa! At least I didn't run into him this time. But his eyes found mine as he reached out and took my hand in his. My heart stuttered as our skin made contact. The shock of the cold was nothing compared to the lustful current that ran through me in that instant. He slowly started to walk backwards toward the dense forest behind us, his eyes never leaving mine. I thought I could get lost in those eyes. They were so dark, coal black, and so deep. It was almost like they were begging me to follow, and begging me to run away at the same time. I was consumed with the desire to reach out and touch his face. I followed him wordlessly. Where were we going?

We were completely surrounded by the trees and I could no longer see the parking lot. I tore my eyes from his, looking back towards the parking lot. "Where are we going?" I had hardly had time to finish the sentence before my back was against a tree and his lips – those beautiful full lips – were on mine. They were strangely firm and my own lips just molded around them. My eyes widened and then closed as my hands involuntarily reached up and grabbed fistfuls of his hair, dragging him deeper into the kiss. I couldn't believe that anything could possibly feel as wonderful as those lips on mine, and very nearly protested when he broke the kiss with a groan, but then his lips found my jaw and his hand came up to brush against my collarbone.

I did not release my hold on him, but slid my hands down to rest on his shoulders and released a shaky breath I had not realized that I was holding. His lips traced along to my neck and I gasped as his lips grazed my neck. I clung to him desperately as the soft initial pleasure was replaced with pain. Horrific pain. Unbearable pain. And then he was gone.

The pain was indescribable and completely consuming. I wanted to scream, but no sound would come. I was aware in some distant corner of my mind that I was laying on the ground of the forest, just a few hundred feet from the school parking lot. If I screamed, surely someone would hear…I opened my mouth again, but no sound would come. And what was all that snarling? Was this an animal attack? I couldn't focus through the burning. I wondered vaguely if I was in hell. Where was Edward? If I could just see him, know he was okay, then maybe I could find the strength to tolerate the white hot fire that was raging through me. And then, as if someone had poured gasoline on the fire, the heat spiked and my ability to focus on anything at all was lost. I was burning.


	2. Chapter 2

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**Author's Note: Here it is. Chapter 2. Let me know what you think. I was surprised that even just a little bit of encouragement makes the writing even more fun for me. I have rated this story M, by the way, because I still don't know how it's going to turn out and I'd rather err on the side of caution. **

**I don't own Twilight. These characters all belong to Stephenie Meyer. She's way luckier than I am.**

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CHAPTER 2

EPOV

I didn't stop running until I was halfway to Seattle. I turned around, but my brothers and sisters were nowhere to be seen. Or heard. I was drawing in deep breaths as if I really needed the oxygen. The air here should have been clean, untainted, yet I could still smell her. Her scent clung to my clothes…to _me._ Her flavor lingered in my mouth, but the memory of the demonic act that put it there was rancid. I would have ripped my own tongue out if I had thought it would help. I deserved it in any case. I pictured her face – allowed myself to get lost in the memory of her eyes. I wondered how I could have thought her plain. I had been intrigued only by the void that the quietness of her mind had left in me. I thought about the immense amount of trust she had shown me – a complete stranger – by following me into the forest, completely unafraid. _Bella. _I forced myself to think her name – she was more than just "the girl." I was undeserving of Bella's trust. I didn't deserve the chance to unravel her mysteries, but she certainly didn't deserve for me to make that opportunity into impossibility. I truly was the worst kind of monster.

I stepped out of the trees into the clearing where our house was situated. I stared for a moment, preparing myself for the onslaught of their anger. No…they wouldn't be angry. They would show me only understanding. That was worse. I didn't deserve their understanding, their compassion. I inhaled deeply and froze. _Freesias._ I darted silently to the house, listening. I ignored the thoughts of my family and what I heard inspired hope and dread all at the same time. A heartbeat! _She isn't dead! _A changing heartbeat. _No! I've killed her afterall!_ I practically flew up the stairs to Carlisle and Esme's bedroom where a familiar slight form was lying on the bed and writhing in pain. I ignored the 6 pairs of eyes and assault of thoughts that met me when I burst through the door. I moved purposefully to the bed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Emmett move to stop me, but Carlisle just shook his head.

I dropped to my knees beside the bed and took her hand in my own. "Bella." Her name came out in a strangled whisper.

She turned her head toward mine, her eyes dark with the blaze within widened when she saw me, and then softened. She didn't look away, nor did she pull her hand from mind. She only squeezed it more tightly. From the pain? What had I done? She deserved so much more than this. She deserved to grow up. Go to College. Get married. Have babies…grandbabies. Grow old with someone she loved – someone who loved her. In one selfish, sadistic, _inhuman_ instant, I had stolen her entire life. I cringed inwardly at the thought.

"How?" I asked without breaking her gaze.

"Alice." Carlisle said simply. I only nodded. No other explanation was needed. I could see in their thoughts how they had let me run, and then Alice had scooped the girl up and brought her to Carlisle.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." Her whole body was covered in a slick sheen of sweat. She was panting and her heart was beating in a frantic rhythm. I reached out – slowly – and lifted a strand of hair away from her face. Her eyes closed as my hand brushed her face. "I wish…" but I let the thought trail off, burying my face in the bed at her side. What did I wish?

"You wish…?" Her voice was strangled, as if she were choking on the words. I looked up at her then. She was staring back at me with eyes that were already changing from that deep brown to a burnt orange color. She was trying desperately to hide the pain – this girl was definitely the "suffer in silence" type.

"I wish I weren't a monster." I said the words without thinking. Bella shook her head, almost smiling through the pain.

"Monsters don't come in such beautiful packages."

I almost laughed at that. What did this little girl know about monsters? "I assure you, they do."

Bella smiled again. It amazed me – her ability to smile through the most excruciating pain she would ever know.

"I don't believe you." She threw her head back and cried out, finally giving in to the screams that were inevitable. I was sure she would be lost in it now – drowning in that seemingly endless sea of pain. I leaned over her, pressing my lips to the faint mark on her neck.

"You will," I whispered, "and I promise that I will spend the rest of my existence trying to make it up to you."

BPOV

It felt as though the blood that coursed through my veins had turned to lava. I could think of nothing except the burn. I rolled back and forth on the ground helplessly. Stop, drop, and roll. That's what they taught you to do if you were on fire. Obviously they were all idiots because it wasn't helping. _Edward…where are you…help me…please…someone…make it stop…._

I was floating then. My first thought, was that I had died and my spirit was floating to heaven. But no…heaven wouldn't still burn. Was I being doomed to hell then? I forced my eyelids open and was staring at a beautiful pixie of a girl. Her face was set with a look of fierce determination, but she did not look at me. Her hair was short and spiky and her face was strangely similar to Edward's. _Edward…_ I closed my eyes again then. I had to focus to fight the pain, and it was easier to focus if I closed my eyes.

I don't know how much time passed, but I became aware of voices around me. There was cool pressure against my palm. It was such a minor relief, but in the wake of anguish the fire was trailing through my body, any relief at all was welcome and I squeezed tightly to the cool.

"Bella." Such a beautiful sound. I turned my head searching for the source and found myself face to face with him. _Edward…_ I felt myself relax infinitesimally. I wanted to reach out to him; to wipe the tortured look from his perfect features. I stared into his dark eyes. They seemed different – why did they look different? It was so hard to think about anything except the searing burn. They were talking again, but I was lost in the pain and his eyes.

He reached out and brushed a strand of hair from my face and I wanted to curl into his hand – it was so blessedly cool. "I wish…" he began and I waited for him to finish. When he did not, I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it again immediately. I had not realized that the burn was ravishing my mouth and throat as well as the rest of me. But I wanted…no _needed_…to know what he wished.

"You wish…?" I croaked. His head snapped up to look at me I stared back, hoping that he couldn't tell how much I really hurt. I was fighting my body's inclination to writhe because I already knew that it wouldn't help.

"I wish I weren't a monster." He said quietly. A monster? How could he think that? He was here – holding the hand of a girl he barely knew, despite a single intimate moment, in an effort to bring her some microscopic amount of comfort. I stared at him for a long while, taking in his gorgeously perfect features. I felt like I hadn't realized before just how gorgeous he really was. Each passing second brought with it the feeling that I had never really seen him clearly before. It was impossible not to smile at something so stunning.

"Monsters don't come in such beautiful packages." His face twisted then, a strange blend of humor and anger.

I smiled again, "I don't believe you." Until that moment, I hadn't thought it possible, but the fire increased in temperature, and took on a life of its own, burning through me, consuming me. It was as if it knew that it was running out of fuel – I must be nothing more than a pile of ash at this point – and it was determined not to die, as I was sure now that I was. The sudden burst of intensity caught me off guard and I threw my head back as a scream escaped my lips.

I thought I felt something brush my neck, and squeeze my hand, though cool was now only a distant memory. "You will." It was barely a whisper and I wasn't sure if I was imagining things or not. "And I promise that I will spend the rest of my existence trying to make it up to you."

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**Author's Note: I'm going to be stuck in a car for no less than 8 hours tomorrow, so I'm sure that I'll be doing at least some writing in order to curb the inevitable boredom. So hopefully more updates to follow. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note & Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I wish. Maybe someday I'll have characters of my own. **

**Read & Review. And please feel free to send me a message or something if you feel the need to point out an error. I like grammar. Grammar is good.  
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Chapter 3

BPOV

I felt like I had been burning my whole life. I had drifted in and out of a sort of consciousness – sometimes I was aware of the things that were going on around me and others I was completely immersed in the pain. Would this ever stop? Every time I managed to pull my head out of the fire, he was there at my side. _Edward…_ The pain was fading now in increments so small they were almost as torturous as the raging fire in my heart.

"It won't be long now," a familiar voice said. I'd heard this voice during several of my periods of rationality. I opened my eyes to look for the person who belonged to the voice. There was a man standing at the foot of the bed. He resembled Edward in skin tone and eye color – but that was where the similarities ended. Looking at him was like looking at the sun. He had the blondest hair I'd ever seen and he seemed to radiate warmth and kindness. "Her heart is racing – it's almost finished," he said again.

As if to prove his point, my heart, impossibly, sped up. It felt as though it was going to pound right out of my chest and take flight. At the same time, the fire crept out of my arms and legs, rushing to a concentrated point in my heart. I thrashed back and forth on the bed, trapped between the opposing forces of a raging war. A war that neither my heart nor the fire could win. My heart would be consumed and the fire would burn out. I begged for it to end quickly. I would welcome death if it meant an end to this agony. My heart stuttered then, in answer to my silent prayer, and then fell silent. With its last beat, it took the fire with it. I breathed deeply, a gasping breath that scraped against my charred throat and waited for death to follow.

Seconds passed and I realized that something was wrong. Why wasn't I dead? My eyes fluttered open. I was stunned by the sight that met them. I could see _everything._ I could see the individual grains in the wood on the foot board of the bed, the threads in the denim of my jeans, dust particles that floated on the air in a graceful dance. I blinked several times, and moved to sit up. As soon as I had thought to sit up though, I was already upright and staring at one of the most beautiful and terrifying faces I had ever seen.

She had long mahogany hair and pale, pale, almost translucent skin. Her face and neck were composed of exceedingly graceful lines. Her lips were like rose petals, red and equally soft in appearance. And her eyes… Her eyes were a demonic, crimson red. I gasped and cringed away from her at the same time that this mysterious beauty cringed away from me. As I whirled around to flee from the frightening girl, I found myself face to face with 7 more of the most beautiful faces I had ever seen. I recognized most of them immediately as Edward's brothers and sisters, but thought that the lighting the school cafeteria had not done them justice. They were beautiful beyond anything I had ever seen before. The man who had checked in on me while I had been burning was also there, and also another female that I did not recognize. It occurred to me that she must be Mrs. Cullen – Edward's mother.

"Edward…" my voice was like a song despite the desperate thirst that was reminiscent of the fire that had coursed through me only minutes before.

_Edward… _He was there, in the center of the group of them, watching me silently. He was okay. He was here. He had stayed with me. My eyes locked with his for maybe half a second before I was flinging myself into his arms. My eyes pricked, but no tears fell as I sobbed against his chest.

EPOV

Bella had been flickering in and out of awareness for 3 days. I had counted every second, every heartbeat, every breath she had taken in that time and committed them all to my unfailing memory. I was certain that when she woke from this she would hate me. At least for now it seemed that she wanted me there. That she didn't know what I had done. When she screamed, she screamed for me. Part of me rejoiced that she didn't hate me – that she wanted me there with her. The other part abhorred her desire for me, even in unconsciousness because she was sure to take it back when she realized what she had become at my hand. This was my fault. I was a demon and I did not deserve someone as beautiful and innocent as Isabella Swan.

I had refused to leave her side at all, not to attend school, or hunt – I deserved to starve anyway. I knew in the minds of my siblings that the whole town was looking for her. Chief Swan, now beside himself with grief, had only agreed to call off the search party when Alice had planted the Bella's torn and bloodied jacket in the forest. It was concluded that there had been an animal attack. Carlisle stopped in often to check on her – and on me. She was nearing the end of her third day when he made one of these visits. "It won't be long now." I watched as he cocked his head to the side, listening to her heart. He nodded. "Her heart is racing…It's almost over." I knew this of course, but it was good to have him reaffirm it.

Suddenly her heart – her perfect, blameless heart – took off. I knew that it would only be minutes before the transformation was complete, and the rest of my family knew it as well for they had all gathered to watch – and defend if necessary. Newborn vampires were predictably volatile. Her heart stuttered once more before falling silent. We all drew in a collective breath and held it – waiting. It seemed like an eternity before she opened her blood red eyes.

I watched her carefully as she bolted upright in the bed and stared into the mirror that hung the length of the bedroom wall. She examined herself carefully before meeting her eyes in the reflection. She very nearly flew across the room away from herself, the terror evident in every line of her face. I wanted to step forward to comfort her – I remembered all too well the disorientation that she must be feeling – but held myself in check. I did not want to startle her any further, and it was very possible that I would be even more terrifying to her than her new reflection.

She whirled around and froze again, staring back warily at my family. Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle stood close beside and behind me. But when her eyes met my own, the terror seemed to just melt off her face.

"Edward…"

She flung herself against me and I had to flinch, she obviously did not know her own strength, but my arms wrapped around her protectively, instinctively and I buried my face in her hair as she buried her face in my chest and sobbed against me. I rubbed her back slowly and made shushing sounds until her sobbing quieted.

"I know it's disorienting," I whispered, "but you're okay now."

"Edward, what happened? I thought I was dying."

I didn't answer, preferring instead to hold her closer. I wanted to protect her from the truth. I wanted to delay her inevitable hatred for as long as possible. Once she discovered what she had become – what I had made her – I was certain that she would never want to look at me again, let alone touch me. I couldn't understand why it broke my heart to think it. I had always thought myself complete in and of myself. Apparently that had changed the moment she stepped foot into biology 3 days ago. But she obviously was not content to wait for an answer and pushed away to look up at me.

"Edward?" Carlisle, perhaps sensing my inability, or unwillingness to tell her, spoke up.

"Bella, perhaps you'd like to sit for a moment. We have much to talk about." He motioned for her to follow him.

She looked up at me uncertainly. She still had not released her hold around my waist. I merely nodded. I couldn't follow her to the living room. I didn't want to be there to witness her initial grief when he told her. So, like the coward that I am, I fled. I had only made it as far as the river and was mid-stride to jump across when I heard her.

"What do you mean 'vampire'?"

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**Author's Note: I was sort of disappointed when I got home from spending all day in the car and found that I didn't have any new reviews. I wrote as much as I could in the car - but ran into a couple of problems. First, it was a VERY bumpy ride and it made it hard to write. Second, the next chapter will have some lemony goodness in it and I just couldn't bring myself to write that part while I was in the car with my parents. **

**Anyway - I really need your feedback because I'm not really sure that this story is actually any good. Thanks so much everyone!  
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	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Warning! This chapter is a very lemony lemon! Don't read it if you shouldn't.**

**Oh yeah – and I don't own Twilight, Edward, Bella, or the rest of them. That privilege belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Although Edward can own me if he wants to. **

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BPOV

I had refused to speak to anyone after they told me. I had listened as they all explained what had happened; as Carlisle explained what I had become. I knew I was being very rude when I merely nodded, stood up, and walked at a human pace back to the bedroom and locked myself in. I figured that the door really wouldn't keep them out, but they seemed to understand that I just needed to be alone.

So I sat still as a statue in the middle of the bed staring at my reflection and determinedly ignoring my scorching thirst. It was quickly becoming nearly unbearable and I wondered vaguely if a vampire could starve to death. _Vampire._ I shuddered at the thought. I could hear them all throughout the house: shifting their weight, pacing back and forth, watching a Mariners game on TV…_Vampires liked baseball?_ Which one of these was Edward?

_Edward…_He had tried to kill me. Not out of hatred, but out of bloodlust. Carlisle had explained to me that his family was "vegetarians" and that they didn't drink human blood, but that it was a constant exercise in self-control. Edward had merely lost control. He made it sound so simple – so matter of fact. I was torn – I wanted to hate him for what he had done, and at the same time, I didn't want to believe that this man that I had believed to be pure perfection in the first moment that I saw him could be such a vicious killer. I wanted to despise him for having taken advantage of me like that, but mostly I just felt embarrassed at what an idiot I had been. I had been a little trusting lamb – content to be led mindlessly – not knowing to fear the lion that led her straight into his den. I don't think I could have stayed away from him even if I had wanted to. It was as if he had some sort of magnetic pull over me. I am such a stupid lamb.

Or was I the lion now? Would I want to feed on human blood? Would I want to kill my family and friends? _Charlie, Renee, Mike, Jessica, Lauren…_Well maybe I'd be okay with killing Lauren…

The soft knock on the door probably would have been inaudible to human ears. As if someone had merely placed their hand against the door. I sighed, figuring I couldn't hide from them forever. Someone would surely need access to their bedroom at some point. I turned to the door.

"Come in."

The door opened and Edward shuffled in. He was looking at his feet, clearly concerned that I would just throw him back out. From what Carlisle had told me about my strength as a newborn vampire, I could have without breaking the proverbial, if only hypothetical, sweat. Even through my apprehension at my current confusion with him, I couldn't help but admire his beauty. He was truly magnificent. His bronze hair was an untidy mess and I wanted so badly to run my hand through it. His body, though tall and lanky, was decidedly muscular. But his face – that was where his perfection was most evident. His features were soft, but strong and markedly handsome. He was a statue of a Greek god come to life.

"Bella," the deep, rich tones of his voice were exquisite. "Bella, I'm so sorry." He looked up then and I was instantly lost in his eyes. They were gold – deep pools of liquid butterscotch. I racked my brain squinting through my dim human memories until I found the one I was looking for. The comparison between the Edward of my human memory and this Edward was startling. I knew my human memories were fallible, but I could have sworn his eyes had been black. He took a tentative step towards me and reached out to stroke the back of his hand against my cheek. Lust shot through me like wildfire and I staggered backwards from the shock of it.

"Please don't hate me." He took another step towards me and fell down on his knees taking my hands in his own. "I don't think I could stand it if you hated me." He turned those eyes on me again and that was all it took. I was on my own knees in front of him and had pressed my lips to his fervently. His eyes widened with shock, but it wasn't even a full second before he was kissing me back, his tongue seeking purchase against my lips, which I parted eagerly to allow him passage. His tongue massaged mine firmly, but gently. His hands crept up my back into my hair. He grabbed a handful and tugged my head back, giving him access to my throat and kissed his way down my jaw to the fine crescent shaped scars on my neck where my pulse would have been. He traced him with his tongue, sending shivers down my spine and coaxing a moan from my throat.

I pulled his face back up to my own greedily meeting his lips as my hands roamed over his shoulders and across his chest…I could feel his muscles ripple and tighten under the cotton of his shirt as my fingers grazed his stomach. When they reached the bottom of his shirt, they grabbed hold and yanked it upwards over his head. Tossing his shirt aside, I allowed my hands to begin their descent again – this time trailing my lips behind them. He gasped loudly and grabbed my head to stop me as I ran my tongue seductively over the skin between his navel and the waistband of his jeans. I just shook my head; I wasn't stopping. I pushed him backward onto the floor, but he propped himself up on his elbows to watch me as I peppered kisses over his stomach and chest while my hands deftly unfastened the button on his jeans. His unneeded breath was jagged now and I was definitely on a power trip for having the ability to do this to him.

I knew that my behavior was out of character; as a human I was extremely self conscious. In the back of my head, which had so much extra room to think, I was attributing my brazen behavior to suddenly finding myself to be non-human. I didn't really care. I figured since he had changed me, perhaps I could change in other ways as well. And besides, I was enjoying myself.

I locked my eyes with his as I dragged down the zipper of his jeans. His eyes widen and his breath caught when I slipped my tongue between his skin and the waistband of his boxer briefs.

"Bella," he moaned, "I can't…we can't…I've never…" Understanding washed over me and I wanted to laugh with relief. He was a virgin. I didn't stop touching him, but slowly moved my kisses back up his stomach and chest and nuzzled my body against the length of his, nuzzling the skin just below his earlobe.

"Me either," I breathed against him, "Shall we learn together?" He let out another low moan and without warning rolled us so that he was now pressed down on me.

He ground his hips against me as he sucked and licked on my collarbone, his hands moved slowly from my hips - up my sides, over the fabric of my shirt that concealed my breasts - to hold my face between them. He kissed my lips softly, "You do things to me that I don't understand." He pulled my shirt then, tearing it right down the center and sat up to stare unabashedly at my nearly naked chest. I was panting now with desire and if my heart would have been pounding out a frantic rhythm if it could have. He reached out tentatively to stroke a single finger along the lace at the top of my bra. I stopped breathing.

He grinned at me then and moved to replace his finger with his lips. He cupped the underside of both my breasts and pushed them slightly together to accentuate my cleavage, and dipped his tongue between them. I squirmed around and reached behind myself awkwardly, fumbling with the clasp. I growled slightly with frustration before just ripping it apart and shrugging it down my shoulders to bare my chest to him. I didn't stop there though; our impromptu make-out session had awoken desires within me that I had never known could be so powerful. I wanted him inside of me nearly as much as I had wanted him to notice me before. _Edward…Edward…Edward! _My body was screaming for him. _Please just take me. Make me yours. I want you. I need you. Forever!_

I sat up and switched our positions again, moving my body in between his legs, and tugged his jeans down and off of him. I grabbed the waistband of his jeans to follow suit. I noticed the panic in his eyes, and merely smiled reassuringly before sliding them off and tossing them away to join his jeans in a pile across the room. His manhood sprang up to stand proudly at attention, at the same time that he lowered his eyes from mine. He bit his lip, and I could swear that he would have blushed had he been able. I stood up then, and waited until he looked back up at me before hooking my thumbs in my own jeans and sliding them, and my panties with them, to my ankles. I kicked them across the room, smiling bashfully as his eyes raked over my now naked body.

He was on his feet in a flash, arms around me with our lips and bodies pressed together in absolutely delicious ways. I ran my fingers lightly down his back and reached between us to grasp his manhood. He gasped as I held on firm, walking backwards toward the bed, trailing him with me. When my legs hit the bed, I let him go as I scooted onto the bed, laying back against the pillows. Now it was my turn to feel self conscious as he watched me, not moving.

"Beautiful," he said so low he was nearly inaudible, even with vampire hearing. He began to crawl across the bed to me and my legs opened slightly of their own accord. I was soaking wet and aching for him. He didn't stop until he was completely over me and I could feel his manhood pressed against my center. My nipples hardened as he pressed our bodies tightly together and guided himself to my opening.

"Are you sure?" I didn't answer and instead, using my vampire strength, rolled us over so that I was on top and lowered myself swiftly onto him all in one motion.

He felt incredible inside of me. He fit perfectly, entirely, and I had never felt so complete in my life. For a full minute I didn't move. I only stared into his intense eyes with a small smile on my face. Then, as if the connection between our bodies had connected our minds as well, we both began to move together at the same time. I ground against him as he thrusted into me. I was leaning backwards with my hands on his thighs and he was reaching up and massaging my breasts tenderly, his thumbs flicking back and forth over my nipples.

I knew my climax was coming quickly and I fell forward, pushing my lips greedily to his. He responded in kind, his tongue pushing forcefully into my mouth as he thrust into me harder. I broke this kiss then, my head falling to the side, gasping out his name as my entirely being exploded in a fire completely the opposite of the one that had ravished me before. This fire was nothing but the purest kind of pleasure I had ever felt.

He thrust up into me one last time and moaned. "Bella!" And then he was still. My body lay limply across his as we both struggled to control our breathing. I don't know how much time passed with us laying like that, with him still inside of me, before I looked up to see him grinning at me.

"Does this mean you don't hate me?" He asked. I laughed and shook my head.

"I tried," I admitted, snuggling back against him, "but I couldn't do it. I just…never stood a chance."

* * *

**Additional Author's Note: This was my first lemon, so if it was really awful, let me know in no uncertain terms how I can improve it because so far I've told everything from both Edward and Bella's POV and Edward wants some representation in the next chapter. **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Author's Note: This is the previous chapter all over, except from Edward's POV. Again – it contains material that is sexually graphic in nature. Don't read it if you shouldn't. **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight. **

EPOV

I wasn't there when Carlisle told Bella about the vile thing that I had done to her. I just couldn't bear to hear her reaction. She would hate me, of course, and I certainly couldn't blame her. I would hate me…no I _did_ hate me…too if I were in her place. I had destroyed her life…body…soul. And not for some worthy purpose the way that Carlisle did for me. I didn't change her to save her; I didn't even mean to change her. I meant to drink her dry and...and…I hadn't even thought past those first initial impulses that had resulted in this entire mess. I would have had to dispose of the body...her body…_Bella's_ body. An image of Bella cold and dead in my arms infiltrated my mine and made me shiver as I shook my head trying to banish it. As I walked back towards the house it was replaced with an image of a miraculously beautiful woman with long mahogany hair, a heart shaped face, and piercing red eyes. I wasn't sure which was worse.

Bella had been locked in Carlisle & Esme's bedroom for 3 days now. We all gave her the space that she had made it clear she desired, some more patiently than others. Well, everyone was patient really, apart from me. I had spent the past 3 days pacing endlessly. I paced in circles around the house…and then in circles around the island in the kitchen…and then the living room…and then the hallway…

_Would you knock it off already!?! _Rosalie walked past me towards her own room. _You're driving me crazy! You're like a caged animal!_

I stopped then, directly in front of the door that separated her from the rest of us. From me. It wasn't really that I was pacing like a caged animal. I had intended to give Bella a wide berth…just as much time and space as she needed. But I just couldn't stay away. I had just been floating through life with nothing…no one…to anchor me in place. It was like Bella emitted her own gravitational pull and I was inescapably caught in an orbit around her.

I stood there staring intently at the door, willing myself to hear something…anything. Even now her mind was completely silent…no..._closed_…to me. To say it was silent made it sound as though there was nothing going on inside her head and any idiot could see that falsehood with even the briefest glance into her eyes. I sighed and laid my hand on the door, as if it could connect me with her.

The sound I heard then was poetry and music floating on silver clouds and sunbeams.

"Come in."

For half a second I couldn't move. Surely she couldn't know it was me out here? How could she have known anyone was standing there? And as soon as she saw it was me, she was sure to just toss me right back out the door. It was less than I would deserve if that's all she did. I opened the door and entered the room feeling all too awkward. I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes, and instead stared at my feet.

Several minutes passed and she still had not said anything, probably waiting for my lame excuse for what I had done. I had none.

"Bella," my voice nearly broke, "Bella, I'm so sorry." I looked up to meet her eyes then, terrified of what I might find there, but unable to avoid them any longer. They had a gravitational pull of their own. I was surprised when I didn't find the anger that I had expected, but rather confusion, and shock, and tenderness. I didn't deserve her compassion, but I wanted it. It wrapped around me like a warm blanket, briefly soothing away all my self-doubt. My hand, as though it had disconnected from my brain, reached out on its own accord and gently stroked the length of her cheekbone.

Her brilliant red eyes went suddenly dark and slightly unfocused as she staggered backwards. _Here it comes. _"Please don't hate me." I took a step forward, unable to escape her gravity, and fell on my knees before her, taking her hand in my own. "I don't think I could stand it if you hated me." I looked up to her, willing her to forgive me. Before I could register it was happening she was on her knees as well and her lips were pressed firmly against my own. Time ceased to have any meaning for me, but I know it didn't take but a second before I was flinging myself wholeheartedly into the kiss as well. My tongue tapped lightly against her lips, pleading for her to part them and allow it through to the heavenly cavern of her mouth. She granted her permission and I greedily manipulated her tongue with my own. My hands crept slowly up her back, over her shoulders, my fingers skimming across her neck before winding into her silky locks. I gently tugged her head back to break the kiss as my lips sought out the skin at her jaw, behind her earlobe, her neck…

There, where he pulse should have been were the finest white scars. I ran my tongue lightly across the place where my teeth had claimed her and she moaned as a tremor ran through her body. She did not give me time to contemplate what the scars meant before she was dragging my face back up to her own and claimed my mouth forcefully with her own. Her hands traced over my shoulders and across my chest, leaving a fiery trail behind them that had nothing to do with her temperature. When she reached the hem of my t-shirt, she yanked it up and over my head, tossing it to the farthest corner of the room and her hands again wandered their earlier path, her lips following along in their shadow. My breath was coming in short puffs until she ran her tongue in a circle just beneath my navel. I stopped breathing entirely then and grabbed her head…to stop her?...to hold her there? I had lost the capability for rational thought.

Fortunately for my overwhelmed senses, she still seemed to know exactly what she wanted and what she was doing, because she merely shook her head and pushed me backwards. I sat up on my elbows to watch her. She covered my chest and stomach with kisses as soft as butterfly wings. I was so distracted that I didn't even notice that she had unbuttoned my jeans until she stopped her attentions to my chest and abdomen and looked up at me purposefully. She was unzipping my pants. _Oh God. _ I could feel the panic setting in and warring with the intense sensations of pleasure that she was creating with her soft…sweet…lips. Her tongue darted out of her mouth and under the waistband of my underwear and for the second time in just a few minutes I found myself utterly breathless.

"Bella," her name came out in a mingled moan of equal parts pleasure and panic. "I can't…we can't…I've never…" How could I ever explain my inexperience to this goddess? Surely she would stop now and I was momentarily overcome with selfish self-loathing. But despite the fact that I could feel my embarrassment hanging heavily in the air between us, she didn't stop touching me. She worked her way slowly back up stomach and chest, pressing more and more of her body against me as she went, until her lips were pressed against my neck.

Her breath tickled my ear when she whispered, "Me either. Shall we learn together?" I was able to suppress neither the moan nor my body as I swiftly reversed our positions and ground my hips against her. My lips and tongue nearly attacked her collarbone, sucking and nipping against it, while my hands crept steadily from her hips, across her rib cage, across the hidden mounds of her breasts…up and up…until I was holding her precious face. I looked her in the eye, kissing her lips softly – tenderly.

"You do things to me that I don't understand." I had never wanted anyone before I wanted her. First I had wanted to know her. Her mind was yet a mystery to me – one that I hopefully had eternity to learn. Then, when she had come close enough, I had wanted her blood. I had wanted it more than I had ever wanted anything in my entire existence. Until now. If I had been unable to resist her blood, it was nothing when compared to the temptation of her body.

I was completely consumed by desire and had ripped her shirt right down the middle before I was able to rein it back in…mostly. I stared at her beautiful form. Her breasts, heaving up and down with her labored breathing, were hugged softly in a white bra with simple lace trim along the top. With just a single finger I caressed the soft skin just above the lace. Her breasts stopped moving.

I couldn't stop the pleasure that coursed through me when I realized that I had just made her as breathless as she did to me. I grinned and dipped my head to replace my finger with my lips. My hands cupped her breasts softly, pressing them together, dipping my tongue into the resultant cleavage. She squirmed, her back arching slightly, growling as she pressed her breasts even more firmly against my face.

She all but ripped her bra off her body then. I had more time to register what she was doing this time as she sat up and rolled us back over. She very deliberately placed herself between my legs and tugged my jeans down and off. I let them go, but had trouble swallowing the panic that began to rise in my throat when she reached up to do the same with my underwear. She smiled at me and I knew without a doubt that anything this woman ever wanted I would endeavor to give her - for the rest of my existence. When my boxer briefs were clear of my body, I lowered my eyes sheepishly and bit my lip. I didn't like feeling embarrassed – it was an emotion that I had so rarely experienced in my more than 100 years that I wasn't really sure how to react. My peripheral vision saw her stand up, and I waited patiently for her to make her next move, as I was currently too embarrassed to even look at her. But she didn't move and eventually my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up at her. She was staring down at me with an expression that radiated peace and unreserved lust. She hooked thumbs into the waistband of her jeans and lowered them gracefully down the length of her legs. She straightened up and kicked them aside, leaving me an uninterrupted view of her immeasurable beauty. I should have felt ashamed by the way that my eyes caressed every curve of her body, but all I felt was aching lust.

Yet again I found my body moving before my mind gave consent and I was on my feet and Bella and I were a tangled mess of arms and legs and lips and hands. Oh her hands were nearly as delicious against my body as her lips were against my mouth. She smiled at my sharp intake of breath when I found those delicious hands wrapped firmly around my erection. She walked very slowly backwards, still holding me firm and leaving me no choice but to follow along with her.

She bumped into the bed and my body could have wept when she released me. But she scooted her lithe body back until she rested against the pillows and I couldn't help but rejoice in the view.

_Beautiful._

I crawled across the bed, watching her as her thighs opened almost imperceptibly, until I was right up and over her and our bodies were pressed tightly together, my erection rubbing against the place where I most wanted to be in the entire world. I guided myself to her opening, keeping my eyes locked with hers. I didn't see any doubt in them, but I couldn't read her mind…

"Are you sure?" In lieu of an answer, she rose up and over me, taking my entire length inside of her in one swift movement.

I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I could only feel. The passionate heat that was Bella was all consuming and the most powerful pleasure imaginable except multiplied infinitely. It was as if in taking that part of my body into her own, she also allowed me a glimpse inside her mind. She was the most intensely exquisite woman I had ever set eyes on. Her beauty radiated not only from her body, but from her soul. How could I have ever thought I had taken her soul?

Our connection was only emphasized when we began to move at precisely the same moment. I pushed up into her, gently but solidly, at the exact moment that she began to rotate her hips in a downward motion. Her hands were on my thighs, providing her additional support and leverage. Her head fell back and her hair tickled against the inside of my legs, providing stark contrast to the fingernails that were digging sharply – and wonderfully – into my thighs. I could feel her soft heat contracting around me and I reached out to touch her breasts - my thumbs seeking out her nipples and rubbing roughly across them.

My arms wrapped around her as she fell forward, her mouth bumping intently against mine. I was all too happy to accommodate her and pushed my tongue into her mouth. I could practically taste her lust in the energy she put into that kiss before breaking it suddenly, her head rolling to the side.

"Edward!" My name had never sounded as perfect as when she panted it out in the throes of the orgasm that shook her entire body. It pushed me over the edge and I thrust one final time before emptying myself inside of her, panting out her name in a fervent prayer.

I couldn't help but think that all the dreams I'd never dared to dream had come true. Every last one of them was wound up into this complicated and beautiful woman who lay spent across my chest. Slowly our breathing slowed to within the range of normal, neither of us daring to move. I didn't dare even twitch and risk her moving away from me. I was still inside of her and grinned at the thought. Of course she chose that moment to look up at me.

"Does this mean you don't hate me?" I asked.

She shook her head and laughed. Her laugh caused her walls to embrace me tighter inside of her and drove me to such distraction that I almost didn't hear her answer as she snuggled back down against me.

"I tried, but I couldn't do it. I just…never stood a chance."

_Nor did I._

**Author's Note: I'm going to call this story completed because as of this point, it really does stand alone. And besides, anything else that I could add to it could probably stand alone as a one-shot anyway. So I hope you enjoyed it. I'm sure I'll probably start another story this weekend – I do my best writing at night and since I have to be up about 5 every morning – it's tough to do during the week. So keep an eye out. **

**And please remember to feed my ego – REVIEW!!!**


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